After a two month hiatus I take fingers to keyboard and write again! I think I was motivated when I found a “fortune” I’d saved from PF Chang’s. “You will receive good news from the South.” A couple of weeks ago we did! Jim had a PET scan that showed decreased cancer activity. It had been so long since we received good news that I really could hardly absorb it.
Seems to me that my life is divided into two kinds of days…clinic days and relax/recover days. Since that’s not too exciting I just have not felt like writing. But for the sake of this “diary” I need to give a little insight into this journey on the road of life.
On clinic days (twice a week) we drive 70 miles to Carlsbad where Jim receives Low Dose chemo treatments and supplemental vitamin and homeopathic treatments, both delivered by IV. We are in an “infusion” room with 6 other patients and their families. Generally we are involved in this process for 4 hours or so.
Some days I handle this pretty well but often I get anxious and depressed. My brain is screaming, “Get me outta here!” Yesterday I had an insight into why this happens. I was telling someone at the clinic about personality style and recalled that my style is one that just wants everyone to be happy and everything to be OK…I’m an Amiable person 🙂 Everyone at the clinic is not happy and everything is not OK and I cannot do much about it! No wonder I usually hide my head in a book and try to disappear in the story.
My friend Vickie recently suggested that I get a little more involved with the people at the clinic. Maybe I’d feel a little more useful and connected. I think that is true to some extent. It helps me to meet and chat with patients and families, to step in and help out when needed. But I find I don’t want to get too involved…too painful…I have enough emotion on my own plate.
Non-clinic days require relaxing from the 140 mile round trip and trying to catch up on eating, cooking, cleaning, laundry and such. For Jim it includes dealing with the after effects of treatment which are not severe but are enough to keep him from feeling 100%. For fun we throw in a Netflix show every night, reading and some crocheting for me.
Special times with family and a day with my friend Vickie help me keep my head on straight and my priorities in order. I’m taking it a day at a time.
