Black Cloud
Every now and then I wake up feeling like a big black cloud is over my head. I can't think any good thoughts, only worries. That was yesterday. I don't know why this happens. Sometimes I think I must dream something bad or sad and then wake up unable to let it go. And then I start dwelling on the realities of our situation. I felt close to tears all day long.
We had to make the trek to Newport for another blood check for Jim which showed platelets still low, not recovering very quickly. So he needed another platelet transfusion but they could not schedule him yesterday so we are going back today. This is not unusual in the chemo process, but yesterday it cracked my usual upbeat veneer. I cried.
Jim decided we needed to go for a relaxing lunch. At first I didn't want to. Just take me home. Let me wallow in my black hole. But he insisted I make a decision on where to go. Ok, Olive Garden. (I know dear son, but I feel very comfy there!) So we took a few hours for lunch, stopped and bought tomatoes and corn and headed home.
After a couple of glasses of wine, some snacks, an Angels game that they won (!) and two episodes of The Closer my cloud was quite a bit lighter :) All those things help me "stay in the now" as my friend, Vickie, says.
This morning we enjoyed a cool breeze as we took our morning bike ride (only 10 minutes but at least we're out there moving), had our coffee outside, enjoyed fried egg breakfast cooked by Jim and now we're preparing for our journey to the hospital. I know, this too shall pass. We'll be on the road again. Today the clouds are brighter.